C-Man

I am filled with fantasies.

I am filled with thoughts. This is a tribute to all those people who let me think and inspire me to be weirder.

A very recent yet very close friend told me not be so weird :D

Background:
For all those who dont know me-I am on a project in Allahabad for about 3 long months. Being a guy, i cant help but being lazy, so instead of going on a house hunting in this place i took up a room in a decent hotel for 3 months.

Foreplay:
I am supposed to live alone in the double bedroom-ed room. But, the hotel guys understand how alone i am. So, they showed some pity and arranged for partners for me.

The Kick Ass part:
I stay(ed) with about 9 cockroaches, a dwarf rat and tonnes of mosquitoes.
Once they all were upset coz i worked late and all of them decided to revolt against me. All of these animals/insects used their fangs-teeth-tails to attack me in my sensitive area.

I may not be the best looking guy around-but i believe that im not that bad either. A decent education, earning decent amounts of alcohol (dats how the HRD pays me-in kind), and a terrible sense of humour. However, I got pissed off with these 'inhabitants'. A small walk to Big Bazaar and i armed myself with the biggest pack of Baygon Spray.

I put on a hood on my head (towel actually) and sprayed the can all over the room. Killing whatever sign of life that came in my line of sight. Agitated as all the roomies were, a rabid cockroach chose the wrong time (and wrong person) for a bite – I felt a tinge on my ankle and even before I could shake it off, it had sent across a trickle of cockroach-poison into my blood stream. Darn cocks.

I turned and twisted in the darkness. Something was weird. I had become a cockroach. Yes, I knew I had become a cockroach because my night vision goggles were suddenly too big for me. And I could see in the darkness without them.

Even as I was getting a grip on the situation (which was easy because I now had sticky hairs on my legs), a teenaged cockroach yelled: “Hey stranger, coming to Ganga’s party?”

I shook my head and saw my two long antennas bobble up and down. Now I know why none of the cockroaches nodded their head when I held a ‘Bagon Spray’ in my hand and said: ‘Look here pal, I am going to blow you off Earth’s surface!”

I tried to turn my neck, but couldn’t. If I had to see behind my back…I had to move my whole body. Being a cockroach wasn’t easy.

I decided to go to the party….after all, what better place to get to know a few people …oops…cockroaches…than a party. I looked at myself – was I properly dressed? I was draped in a shiny brown skeleton. Instead of the regular two-piece suit humans wear, I was now wearing a three piece-suit…for my head, thorax and abdomen.

What would be my transport to the party? I couldn’t possibly walk to the party…or could I? “How about flying?” I kidded myself and looked around if I had wings. Thank God, I was a male…I had wings and I could fly to the party venue. I wondered how the female cockroaches visited the parties. I had read in my biology book that they had vestigial wings – underdeveloped and of no use.

Flying is fun, especially, when you fly low to the ground. I could see the landscape…the kitchen’s door mat looked like a couple of acres of ripe maize, the broom leaning in the kitchen corner looked like the Eiffel Tower, the water dripping from the sink’s tap looked like the Niagra Falls….the scenery was breathtaking. The flight was short and I found a good landing strip next to Raamu- Ganga's boyfriend-the cockroach’s house and slowly glided in.

The moment I landed I knew why Raamu the cockroach was the party organizer. He was definitely trying to show off his lake-side view house under the refrigerator. I say lake-side view because I was sure the cockroaches could see the wet wash area from where they stood. I joined the party animals (or should I call them party insects?) and had the time of my life. We had all the food we wanted in the refrigerator….all we had to do was brave the cold and make a dash for our lives as soon as we had something in our mouth. In case you didn’t know we cockroaches have mouths that open horizontally.

We had drinks as well – a grape which had fallen between the refrigerator door was serving as the rum drum. There was music and dance too – we were dancing to the beats of the seconds hand of the wall clock on the kitchen wall. We partied for long and I loved every bit of it. The only time I was sad was when the lady cockroach I was dancing with commented that I had six left feet (Dafts who dnt know what it means…men who don’t know how to dance are said to have two left feet-Like Pappu of the 'Cant dance saala' fame).

The party came to an abrupt end when the lights suddenly came on and we had to run helter-skelter. I warmed up my engines and flew away to safety.

I woke up under my bed in the morning. I was a human being again, and the lights were still on. “Must have been a dream”, I told myself before getting up. Just to be sure, I looked underneath the refrigerator and there was a black grape – the one I had drank rum from the previous night.

Keep it to yourself, but I have a feeling…I am the cockroach man! I am thinking of designing a super suit with a big ‘C’ on my chest!

Wonder what it will throw from its hands/arms/legs..
Wonder if superheroes can be so small..