My last sexist Joke !

Why is it so lovely being a Male !

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
5. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
6. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
7. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
8. Same work .. more pay.
9. Wrinkles-add character.
10. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
11. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
12. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
13. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
14. One mood, ALL the damn time.
15. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
16. You can open all your own jars.
17. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
18. If you are single, nobody notices.
19. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
20. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
21. No painful days in the month.
22. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
23. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
24. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
25. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
26. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
27. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
28. Shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
29. The world is your urinal.
30. Beer is the universal solution of all problems.
    

Non-Sexist Entry

Motivation
Madam M: "You are such a jerk"
Me: "I knw that, but what did i do now?"
Madam M: "Your blog is turning out only for males now!"
Me: "But im just catering to 70% of my blog readers! That's what they want to read. They are all a bunch of loser males, who cant surf for porn (as its banned in office), cant get females (they are as ugly as a tortoise's arse) and desperate (like a lose canon, loaded but without a fuse)"

Madam M: "huh!, BYE!"
Me: "I promise to be a girls-guy now"

Result:
Topic of discussion:
How about starting with a funny joke.

On a Jet flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

"Iron this."



Conclusion:
Non-Sexist after this entry. LOLZ!

Reality Bites

Caveat: Not for the weak hearted. Graphic content!

Love it, Hate it, but you just cant ignore it!

Reality TV: this is the place where fiction meets reality.
If you cant understand what i'm talking about-switch on your television. Invariably within 30 secs you will come across either Bigg Boss, Nach Baliye, SaReGaMa, Idion Idol, Fear Factor, and what not.

Now this entry is not about how crappy these serials are-but how awesome they can get. Now, when i met Mandira Bedi, we went on to talk for abt 15 mins about how difficult its being in the media. For dafts, she's a hot female; I am a super-hot male :D

But after spending some time with her, i realised how easy it is to make a reality show. Some ideas that sprung up in my head were. I'm sure she doesnt read my blog.

IS SHE LEGAL?
20 hot nubile petite females compete against each other in trivia (Lolz), physical challenges, and pillow fights before one lucky guy chooses a girl and asks the judges... Is She Legal?
Location: Maharastra
Judges: Me.
Prize: Free lifetime counsel by His Holiness
Sponsor: PISS Foundation- People In Single & Searching mode Foundation.

AMERICA'S WETTEST T-SHIRT
500 girls in skin-tight white t-shirts vie to see who can make their t-shirt the wettest
Location: A different city each week... Except South India. (sorry- the program can become gory after a certain degree)
Judges: A panel composed of Swimsuit models, firemen, and Olympic gold medal swimmer, Michael Phelps, and Me
Prize: Each week's winner will board the India's Wettest T-Shirt tour bus and earn an automatic entry in the season-ending tournament of champions, held in my pants
Sponsor: The WBA - World Breast Association or LIBAS - Leagues of Insanely big Breasts And Smallest brains.

DON'T FORGET YOUR WALLET
Unknown contestants are woken up early in the morning following a one-night stand and have one minute to dress and escape before we wake up the chick. If the clock expires or the contestant leaves any personal belongings, he may wind up stuck in a relationship.
Location: A bedroom near you
Judges: A panel made up of myself, Nasseruddin Shah and Om Puri
Prize: Freedom
Sponsor:Durex "Together we can end Feelings"

Feeling ki to %^^&%$#&

As you all know, in Mumbai, I overcame a traumatic and life threatening experience of my breakup. While I appreciate the “get well” cards, wine-bottles, muffin baskets and boob-o-grams you’ve been so kind to send, many of you are under the impression that the 83 major and minor bone fractures (Lolz) were the most serious injuries I suffered. False. All the time I was fighting a far more insidious and debilitating condition. Feelings.

But I have to regretfully inform that medical establishments have done very little research on this debilitating affliction. No research, no rabbit treatments, no Dr No/Who experiments. Infact some of my Doctor+MBA friends have went so far as to claim that Feelings are not even a life-threatening disease!!

This entry may be considered a medical pamphlet distributed to the human race for cumulative benefits and humanity's sake-Only. No return gifts expected-apart from “get well” cards, wine-bottles, muffin baskets and boob-o-grams; as already mentioned.

ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM FEELINGS?

What Are Feelings?
Feelings are a tender emotional state that develop when a male (read 'awesome') becomes fixated on a single female to the exclusion of others. Resulting in he moving to a self-destruction mode.

Early Warning Signs
When you’re around one particular chick, you experience:
•Pounding Heart
•Talk (either do not talk at all or talk too much)
•Nausea
•Inability to talk sense
•Sweating
•Desire to say flattering things

If undiagnosed, these warning signs can quickly develop into the full blown disease…

Symptoms
•Warm fluttery feelings in stomach
•Lightheadedness
•An unexplained urge to watch Love Actually, 9 Months, Harry met Sally
•Sudden increase in cuddling occurrences
•Brunch cravings
•Explosive monogamy
•Happiness
•Failure to notice other hot women

Transmission
Though correlation remains scientifically inconclusive, studies indicate “hand holding” may play a role in spreading Feelings from one person to another.

Treatment
Because the Medical establishments do not recognize the importance of the issue, we are forced to offer alternative treatments. Presently the onl treatment for Feelings is a multi-week course in "Other Women". If symptoms take a long time to fade you will have to repeat the course at a higher dosage.
NOTE: This treatment can result in harmful side-effects such as rash, infection, and in some cases, pregnancy.

Funded by His Holiness Foundation.

“Together we can end Feelings”

The Bro Code

Now fellow comrades on the internet space. I know that over the years you have got lamer than you ever were (or will be).
Instead of watching porn on the internet, you read my blog!!
But there is hope. Do not worry. Do not kill yourself.

There are a few things that transcend beyond materialistic and godly pleasures of the world (like porn & hot babes). That is friendship!

Laid out in front of you is the BRO code (This is only for males; for females-get a sex-change operation 1st; for gays-i'm not your friend; for lesbians-i love you!)

So the BRO Code (adapted from How I Met Your Mother)
ARTICLE 26
"A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight."
A Bro must never hesitate before communicating the possibility of fisticuffs between two humans of the female variety [[HENCEFORTH "GIRL FIGHT"]], in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or Bros can partake in observation..
If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via pictures, video*, or barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.

ARTICLE 53
"A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection."
In the event that one Bro finds himself lacking the necessary prophylactic accoutrements (supportive equipment) needed to complete the act of coitus in a safe and effective manner, he is in the right to expect his Bro will use all measures within or without his means to provide the aforementioned accoutrement in a timely yet discreet fashion.
In no instance may a two-wheeled bicycle be used* as this is not only humiliating, but also potentially harmful to the perineum - a zone of tissue perilously adjacent to noted sexual organs.
ARTICLE 89
"A Bro will, never ever, sleep when talking to the bro-nterpart."
Be it here resolved that at no point is the bron-servation (conversation between bro's) stupid and boring. Henceforth it is allowed and encouraged for both Bro's to engage in meaningful conversations at late night, esp after 12. Also this act is in no means even closer of being Gayish. This conversation can also be carried out with the members of the "other sex".

PS: Andy, I made it possible. You are charged with serious violations of Articles 26 and 53!
Madam M: You are charged with extremely high degree of mental assault vide article 89 !