Tear and Tears.

This is one of the encounters i've had with the other sex (I am male)

About 10 months ago, i had a break-up. Madam J thought that my nose was crooked and was getting more crooked day by day. I had tried all kinds of things. Sleeping on the other side. Putting a hair-pin under my nose. Asking a hunk to punch me the other way. But the essence was that I had a break-up.

Like all non-manic males, I wanted to go to the beach/pub/terrace/water tank/amusement park with a bottle of beer and get inebriated. 'Talli' till my pockets can afford. Luckily i had close friends who used to work for FBI (or were dogs) and were able to sniff out where am i.

I was lonely and desperate too. Everyone was trying hard to get me hooked up. Andy, my roomy, even paid a hooker Rs 10 to talk to me and act as if she's really interested in me. I had almost fallen for her, but she asked me to pay in advance. (Thank God)

Gaurav as usual became by drinking partner. I remember we tried the most potent of all drinks. The ShotGun. It had generous portions of Whisky, Vodka, Benadryl, some milk and Coke. The best part is that it gets all bubbly bubbly and radioactive-ey.

Howver, Madam R, was the best of the lot. She actually asked a friend of hers to come and spend some time with me. Lets call her (im running out of alphabets now) The Warrior Princess. So TWP and I meet in Ruby Tuesday. Terrible food, but they serve LI in pitchers. Nice. Happy Hours. Awesome. I'm not paying for it. Heaven.

She was HOT. Three alphabets summarize all that guys look for in girls. Perfect proportions. (of beauty and brains, perverts!)

We started talking about the MBA stuff, how will this drinking session impact the GDP of India; random as it could get she was a talker. Talker means a Talker. Now for a person like me, who is getting a surgery done for a second tongue, talking was never a problem. But she talked through my brain cells. I could hear them all scream for silence. She was like the Param Supercomupter talking, no, guzzling out, torpedoing, words !!

Wham Bam!! I was smitten. Deeply in love. Then came the biggest question of all. Are you seeing someone. The question that all guys should ask before falling for someone.

She didn’t respond…she was looking at the car park. I sat still…Back straight. Bums tense. Heart tenser. I asked if she was looking for someone (from the inside i wasnted to shout-Hello!! Im here). Two minutes later a tall, handsome man walked in and shook hands with her (actually hugged with 2 kisses on either cheeks) She then turned towards me and said: “Meet Vijay – our parents have met and agreed on our marriage and now we have to decide if we like each other or not.”

The pretty girl could have pierced a knife thro’ my stomach – and pulled out all the Pizza and drained the Long Island.

I couldn’t see my girl walk away with another man…so called for my cab. As I was walking away…I wiped a tear. One more for the weaker sex.

Lesson Learnt: If you have had the spicy Mexican Fireball …don’t take your fingers near your eyes.

Tricky Tricky !

Speak your heart out dude !

Doctor Doctor !
Calvin the God !
Bored !

My Super Hero Cousin

I am normally a no-kid guy.. Normally.
But when there's a new member in the family, u cant escape it. Kids (As i was discussing with Madam M yde) are like poop machines.. They can poop their intestines out. But what an awesome life these kids live. All they do is eat-sleep-poop-pause-poop more and repeat. The life that any guy will kill for (minus the poop-ing bit of it)

However, when Harsh was born (i'm bad at dates) about 3 years ago-i was asked by Chachi to hold him and make him grow like me. I agree that from my posts i give out the vibes of being a supremely sexist-rudist-chauvinist; I dnt say that i'm not; but i "look" deceptive. (Madam M affirms)

However, when Chachi was delivering the baby I was with my dearest Chachu. For some Dad's are the cash M/Cs; for me it was Chachu. Dearest Chachu was very cool and calm and he was'nt moving up and down the corridor-I was... I was staring at the sky looking for the stork to bring in the kid.

As soon as the nurse brought Harsh wrapped in a clean, white cloth, I asked Chachu “I didn’t see any stork coming…how did the baby come?” What followed after that was another male-bee-meets-female bee story.

I being a hardcore Calvin n Hobbes fan, suffer from a high dosage of super heroes. However I still believe that my cousin is a super hero.

My suspicion was triggered when I realized that he enjoyed spending time in the balcony – isn’t that the favourite spot of all our super heroes? Have you ever seen a super hero use the door to leave or enter the house? They always use the balcony!

As if that wasn’t enough, he has got amazing eyesight. Capable of spotting even the smallest of dirt – something that average people like you and me wouldn’t even spot on the floor. I have a feeling, he is honing his skill.. Everyday we were forced to remove at least 5-6 small items that he put in his mouth. He could gnaw the smallest element of plastic in the plastic ball. Put a titanium pen to shame by biting the head of it. (I wonder if i can get him to open my beer bottles)

Harsh could also crawl into any space – even the six inch space between our treadmill and the wall – and come out unscathed. When I tried to do the same, I got stuck and we had to call the fire fighters.

Now that he has learnt to stand by himself, he spends a lot of time standing against walls…trying to feel the surface. He probably wants to scale them….and is feeling the texture of the wall. He is also seen licking the surface…guess that’s how the superheroes decide on which trick to use to scale a wall.

When I tried to play with him, he kept on waving his hands up and down…and then looks at his palm…as if something that was to come out of his palms…wasn’t coming. A web, perhaps. When he isn’t looking at his palms, he enjoys making strands of her saliva and playing with them.

After seeing all these activities, we have confirmed that he is indeed a superhero in the making….and now are debating which superhero he would grow up to be. We couldn’t arrive at a decision till late last night (Saturday) when Chachu spotted a spider biting his on her exposed thighs. Or was it the cockroach... It should be the roach.

Another C-Man in the making. Good! I have company now !

When he started going to his prep-school he used to hate I-Cards. All Superheroes want to be anonymous. He would rip the i-card apart with the shirt pocket. Because i was doing my MBA-Chachi asked me a managerial question. 'How can i stop him from doing this?' Like all MBA students I did not have an answer but confused the hell of her :D (When u cant explain-confuse. When u cant confuse-Run). I thought hard. I had a solution finally after rattling with my bean-sized brain.

He now goes to school, with his i-card still on. But at his back. The only student with his i-card on his back.
Awesome. (That was for me) That's called out-of the-box thinking.

PS: Chachu+Chachi how about giving me the treasure box you promised when I would write about Harsh.