Bappi da ka pichwaada

I have essentially been a thin person-thin arms, long and lanky. Once a pretty lady sat on me (purposely, i know). She shot at me "Sorry bolo". I was like "Sheesh yaar, she should be apologising to me!" She shot back again "Your bones sting!!"

That was the moment that i decided-enough with the thin stuff-women like 'healthy' guys. Let me put on some more weight-then THIS girl is going to sit on my lap and say Thank You. A week from now.

So i went to the nearest gym possible and asked the instructor. Can this Ajit Agarkar butt be changed into a Bappi Da butt. Aim for the stars, they say, and you will reach the skies.

Its already 10 days past my 1 week deadline. The Agarkar is still stuck on to me. Guess he likes it there. But some more pressure from my parents on the phone (they are very persuasive) made me go back again to Hanuman Gym. I asked the trainer again "How do I get a Bappi Da bum?". “Treadmill. Cross Trainers. Weight Training. You get your bum.” The guy seemed to be crisp in his replies.

Wow…so handsome people talk less. I made a mental note to talk less and in the process look like a model. Two days later when I walked up to him and asked: “So, which machine do I use if I have to put some fat around my waist first?” he responded: “Difficult question. You know Hindi?” "Yes" " Upna g()()d thik karna hai to mehnat kar!! Now give me 5 kms on the treadmill!!"

I have been thinking ever since – would pretty girls prefer a well built mannequin or go for fair, 5feet 11 inches tall, 32-inches around the waist type?

I'm pretty sure my butt doesnt make the best sight of all, but it surely feels like John Abraham's.

PS: Its been 2 sessions in 23 days. Hanuman Gym guys have been looking for me, so i write this entry from under the table.

Children of lesser God

14th November.
Children's day. or as many will be able to relate to-when Dostana gets released.

Sad as it may sound-its even disheartening to watch kids-under-privileged & employed. Time that should be spent in schools and playing with red cars and yellow buses is spent selling mineral water or shining shoes.
India 2020. APJ Abdul Kalam tried to give a direction to India's future. Right he was. Govt announced the "Education for All" policy. But as all policies create an impact-this too made an impact-not on the children-but on the pockets these ministers have.
I met Raja. Nondescript child. 10ish, dirty feet and hands, a pair or worn out and over-sized hawai chappals. He is employed by the chai-waala that provides us with Tea & some timeout from our office work.
I asked him if he knew that today is Children's Day.
He smiled and stared back at me.
"To aj aapko chai nahin chahiye?" came the reply.

"Education for All" one more policy goes down the drain as does the future of the Children of Lesser God.