Feeling ki to %^^&%$#&

As you all know, in Mumbai, I overcame a traumatic and life threatening experience of my breakup. While I appreciate the “get well” cards, wine-bottles, muffin baskets and boob-o-grams you’ve been so kind to send, many of you are under the impression that the 83 major and minor bone fractures (Lolz) were the most serious injuries I suffered. False. All the time I was fighting a far more insidious and debilitating condition. Feelings.

But I have to regretfully inform that medical establishments have done very little research on this debilitating affliction. No research, no rabbit treatments, no Dr No/Who experiments. Infact some of my Doctor+MBA friends have went so far as to claim that Feelings are not even a life-threatening disease!!

This entry may be considered a medical pamphlet distributed to the human race for cumulative benefits and humanity's sake-Only. No return gifts expected-apart from “get well” cards, wine-bottles, muffin baskets and boob-o-grams; as already mentioned.

ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM FEELINGS?

What Are Feelings?
Feelings are a tender emotional state that develop when a male (read 'awesome') becomes fixated on a single female to the exclusion of others. Resulting in he moving to a self-destruction mode.

Early Warning Signs
When you’re around one particular chick, you experience:
•Pounding Heart
•Talk (either do not talk at all or talk too much)
•Nausea
•Inability to talk sense
•Sweating
•Desire to say flattering things

If undiagnosed, these warning signs can quickly develop into the full blown disease…

Symptoms
•Warm fluttery feelings in stomach
•Lightheadedness
•An unexplained urge to watch Love Actually, 9 Months, Harry met Sally
•Sudden increase in cuddling occurrences
•Brunch cravings
•Explosive monogamy
•Happiness
•Failure to notice other hot women

Transmission
Though correlation remains scientifically inconclusive, studies indicate “hand holding” may play a role in spreading Feelings from one person to another.

Treatment
Because the Medical establishments do not recognize the importance of the issue, we are forced to offer alternative treatments. Presently the onl treatment for Feelings is a multi-week course in "Other Women". If symptoms take a long time to fade you will have to repeat the course at a higher dosage.
NOTE: This treatment can result in harmful side-effects such as rash, infection, and in some cases, pregnancy.

Funded by His Holiness Foundation.

“Together we can end Feelings”