PG-21

Just in case you didn’t know where to find male sexual organs

Before I sat down to write this article, I did my bit of research. I rented 13 porn movies - all of them had interesting names: ‘The Extra Testicle,’ a spoof on Steven Spielberg’s science fiction movie ET, and ‘Inspect Her Gadget,’ a spoof on the Hollywood movie Inspector Gadget, Eyes Wide Slut, Grinding Nemo, Hairy Potter, Done in 60 secs, Forest Hump, Whore of the Rings, etc etc etc.

I didn’t really learn much about the male sex organs from the porn movies, because most of the time the focus was on the female sex organ. When I checked with my Gilli-the Porn King (he got the Anna Nicole Smith award in NM Razzies) he said that it could be because the target market for porn movies was a male anywhere from 13 years to 90 years old and with nothing to do. Understandable. Marketing faff.

For those of you that don’t know the male sex organ consists of Ureter, Seminal Vesicles, Vas Deferens, Prostate Gland, Urethra, Testes & Scrotum (thanks Wikipedia)…we expand them further:

• Ureter - The narrator (I noticed it rhymes) of the announcement of a full bladder. In other words-its your pee-tank!
• Seminal Vesicles – It is the point of origin of all seamen. Wonder why they didn’t name it ‘Ship’ or ‘Submarine’.
• Vas Deferens – Definitely not a French restaurant. Instead, more of a captain of the ship because its job is to push the seamen forward.
• Prostate Gland – Since women don’t even have this gland, do you really care what it actually is? (Seriously, only men have prostrate glands)
• Urethra – More like an asshole without the ass. For more details-Wiki it.
• Testes - The real test of manhood, not because it is the sperm factory but because a hit here means 21 stars (that’s how many I saw)
• Scrotum – Unfortunately not a recycle bag.

Dear women, what you don’t know and we don’t show on our faces is that we men live in fear each day. Each visit outside the house involves saving our sexual organs from leather cricket balls, table corners, lamp post, naught small children, swinging hands, lady’s purses, lady’s bent knee, dwarfs and shorties.

We men really don’t make a big deal about this, but it really pains. Forget childbirth pains….have you ever seen Dada-Sourav Ganguly writhe in pain after being hit by a cricket ball? Now, don’t you ask me where…. for I won’t say “Eden Gardens”…instead say, “ Phallus in Wonderland”.